Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Thankful Thursday

I know, it's Wednesday. But I only have approximately 45 minutes until it's Thursday, so I'm getting an early start. Because that's how I roll! Always thinking one step ahead, and that's a good thing! So to give me some motivation to start blogging again on a more regular basis, I'm following in many other bloggers footsteps and mean...borrowing their ideas! ; ) I'm not making any promises, but I will atleast *try* to blog every Thursday to post what I am thankful for that given week.

1)For my loving husband who works so that I can stay home and take care of our daughter and the house. I am working my dream job thanks to him!

2)For my beautiful daughter, Maddy. She means the world to me and I would be so lost without her. She tells the funniest jokes ever and her crazy dance moves and off the wall questions make me fall in love with her over and over again on a daily basis. Not to mention her adorable freckles spread all over her sweet face!!

3)For fall weather!!! Fall is my favorite season and it brings with it the atmosphere that I wish could stay year round.

4)For Pumpkin Spice Frappucinos at Starbucks!! =P

5)For the priviledge to homeschool my daughter. Some would look at it as a burden, something they dread doing or wouldn't/couldn't do, but I love it and it's truly a blessing!

6)For the fact that my teaching is paying off! Maddy has passed every test so far with flying colors. I guess I'm doing something right!

7)For a field trip to Happy Cow tomorrow!

8)For the season premier of new shows! Greys Anatomy, Private Practice, and SVU! Gets me all excited!

9)For the consignment sale coming up in 2 days! It's one for the whole family..not just for kids! I hope to find some good fall clothes!

10)For Bargain Foods! Funny, I know, but I LOVE this grocery store! And I am going there tomorrow!!! YAY!!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Monday Mumblings

It's been a while since I updated, but I've just been waiting to get that "perfect" post in my head. No, this one is not it. So for now, just some things going on in our lives.

This past Friday marked a year from when baby E came to live with us. I always thought she'd be here to celebrate that milestone with us, but God had other plans for her life. As time goes by, I miss her more. When she first left us, I was too numb to realize what had happened. I tried to supress my tears from coming, and tried to carry on with my life. It's been over 3 months and I can't say that it ever got any easier. I did okay for a while, but when that anniversary date came last Friday, it was a constant reminder that she is no longer in my arms! I know the whole "5 stages of grief" thing, but I think that was wrote by someone who has never really experienced grief. The final stage is apparently acceptance. I know I'm not there, or if I'll ever be there. I had a dream a few nights ago about her leaving, and the very thing that happened that day, was played out in my dream that night...every single horrifying detail. So, no, I am not at the 5th stage yet. I don't know what stage I'd be considered at this point. But I do know that my life will never be the same. Losing a child is life changing, just as welcoming a child is. It becomes a part of you, a part that I will carry on for the rest of my life. I hope that I don't always tear up when her name is mentioned or thought of, but losing her will always be a part of me. Why does God think it's in mine or his best interest for me to experience losing children? I don't know the answer to that question. Hopefully one day I will. Ryan always said that he thinks God allowed us to go through 2 miscarriages to teach us how to truly love a child. Maybe he's right about that, because I love Maddy so much that words can't describe. So why did He allow us to lose the other child that we wanted so desperately to be ours (legally)? I don't know yet...maybe there are more children in our future. Maybe not. But I will keep praising Him either way and letting Him live through me. It would be very easy to get bitter at God. I'm thankful for my faith in Him, and know that He holds my future!

We are in our 6th week of 1st grade! Next week is a break week! We're on a 6 week on/1 week off schedule, so I'm really looking forward to having a nice long break next week to do...nothing! Maddy is doing exceptionally well this year so far. She has passed every single test that I've given her!

Ryan and I saw Mark Lowry in concert last Friday night. Grandma kept Maddy overnight and we had a date night! It was so nice to see him in concert and just LAUGH OUT LOUD! If you ever get to see him in concert, GO! You will not be disappointed.

So, those are my random mumblings! I'll try to get my mind wrapped around something in particular for the next post! : ) Happy Monday, everyone!