I recently read a great book. It's called *For Women Only* by Shaunti Feldhahn. I recommend it to every woman out there, whether you are married or not. It has really put things into perspective for me, and so this blog will be made to encourage all you ladies out there!
I've been married for almost 9 years now, and for those 9 years, I have been trying to figure out how my husband thinks, or why he thinks the way he does and why he does the things he does.Men are mysteries, and vice versa. This book has opened my eyes to a whole new light. I was reluctant to read it at first. I am not very good at making the "sorry" move and admitting I've been wrong. So for me, it was a very humbling experience.
So to recap the book...
*Your love is not enough. We'd like to think like the song says "all you need is love", but that isn't true. I learned that respect means so much more to a man than loving him. As women, we hold all the power in our hands. We have the ability to either build up or tear down our men. Respect at home affects every area of a man's life. You have to respect his judgement, respect his abilities, respect him in communication, respect him in our assumptions, and most importantly, respect him in public. To tear your man apart in public is like ripping his heart out. Teasing can be torture to your man. And don't assume that he is ignoring you if he doesn't do something you want him to do or whatever the case may be. They simply just don't think like women.
*Your Mr. Smooth looks so impressive, but feels like an impostor. Sometimes he may try to hold it all together, but he may feel inadequate at work, or at home. So what should we women do? Don't tear him down. Affirm him. After all, if a man doesn't feel affirmation from his wife, he may look for it in other places. Take care of your man, ladies! Boost his confidence!
*Men like to be providers. It gives them a feeling like they can conquer the world to be able to provide for their families. Even if a wife works full time and helps with the bills, a man still feels the need to be that provider for his family. Providing is a primary way to say "I love you."
*Sex changes everything! Ahh, my favorite chapter! Sex unlocks a man's emotions, and guess who holds the key? ; )Listen to me ladies! If we are going through the motions and only "giving it up" because we feel that we have to, that is doing nothing for our men! He wants you to want him. The way it was put in the book says, that if you are only doing it because you feel like it's your duty or chore, he would much rather be sent outside to trim the shrubs, so go ahead and give him some clippers! Men want to feel wanted and desired by us. 74% of men said that if their wife had sex reluctantly, then it still wouldn't be enough to satisfy them. WOW...and all this time I've thought it was just the act that pleased a man! By a woman participating willingly, it gives a man a boost of confidence and makes him feel loved and desired. On the other hand, if we do it reluctantly, he feels incredible rejection and it can send him into depression. No lie! So what can we do? We can choose to love him in the way he desires. Get involved, and have more fun too, and most importantly, make sex a priority. As the book says, men want a girl next door in the living room, and a wildcat in the bedroom! So let's not cheat ourselves or our men! Now the only thing I can think of is that oldies song...."Let's get it on..!" ; )
*He is a keeper of a visual rolodex. Men are very visual. What does that mean? Well, if a woman is dressed to show off her body, she is an eye magnet that is incredibly difficult to avoid, and even if a man forces himself not to look, he is acutely aware of her presence. Secondly, even if there is no "eye magnet" present, every man has a "mental rolodex" stored and can intrude into his thoughts without warning. Think about this statement: A man can't
not want to look. To quote one man from the book, "It is pleasurable-in a small way- in the same way that sex is pleasurable. Forcing myself to remove that thought from my mind is something as difficult as it would be to stop in the middle of sex." Now if it ended there, that would make every woman feel insecure, but it gets better. Every man has to make a choice. They can choose to dwell on the images and thoughts, or they can choose to dismiss them and honor their wife. Here comes the good part..there is reassurance in this. His temptation is often not primarily sexual. Every man is different. It's not because of you, and this does not impact his feelings for you. It used to be that a man had to find visual temptations, but now they can't be avoided. And last but not least, realize that God doesn't make mistakes. Women sometimes wonder "God! Why did you create him like this?" But you have to remember that God created man like he is, and He said His creation was good!
*He really does want romance! 84% of men want romance, and only 16% said they could take it or leave it. So why oh why do they not do enough of it? The number one reason is because they feel like their efforts won't be good enough. So what can we do? Encourage him, entice him, tell Harry what Sally needs, and keep him number 1!
The last chapter I won't say anything about. She warns all women before reading that chapter to pray first! And boy am I glad I did! The chapter is called *The truth about the way you look. Why what's on the outside matters to him on the inside." So I encourage you to read this chapter, but have your heart right first. ; )
In the end, there was a survey. The question to all men was "what is one thing you wish your wife knew, but you feel that you can't explain it to her?" And the number 1 response was "How much I love her."
So I challenge you, ladies, love your man, respect them in all areas of life. You will be a much happier wife and you've made your man feel like he can take on the world! Why should we want anything different than that?
For the record, the author and her husband have a book for your man! "For Men Only"! Pick him up a copy...and see what happens!
To my husband,
I love you more than words can express. I know for the past years in our marriage I've been trying to get into your head and try to figure out why you do what you do, but now I know. I look forward to the rest of our lives together. I am ready for this challenge!
